


Return Of The Feral Dogs

by earthshocked



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: M/M, before strexcorp ruined everything, episode 10 - feral dogs, pamela winchell is still mayor, transcript style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-20
Updated: 2014-06-20
Packaged: 2018-02-05 10:37:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1815487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthshocked/pseuds/earthshocked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The feral dogs from episode 10 return to terrorise Night Vale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Return Of The Feral Dogs

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Welcome to Night Vale fic in the form of a transcript. I hope it's weird enough for you! Feedback is appreciated, but do not mention the dog park.

Do not trust the caterpillars. They are not who they seem to be. Welcome to Night Vale.

[INTRO MUSIC]

Listeners, some important news to report. The feral dogs that terrorised Night Vale several months ago have now returned to our city, despite mayor Pamela Winchell's insistence that they were just 'plastic bags'.  The dogs were spotted this morning, loitering outside the elementary school and holding brightly coloured cans of spray paint by an Old Town Night Vale resident who wished to remain anonymous for their own safety. So far the dogs have done nothing but linger suspiciously by the elementary school gates, but animal control has been called to return the dogs to the dog park, this time, hopefully, for good. More on this story as it develops.

And now, the community calendar.   
On Monday, the children's science museum will be opening a new exhibit entitled: 'the secret lives of flesh-eating spider-wasps'. This is a great learning opportunity, so bring your kids along.   
On Tuesday, the staff of Dark Owl Records will not be existing.   
Wednesday is a full moon. Look out for werewolves, and if you are one yourself, remember to lock yourself in your bathroom, lining the room with black sand to ensure the safety of your loved ones.   
Thursday is a disgrace.   
Friday is a teachers only day. Teachers only. There will be no students in Night Vale on Friday. None at all.   
On Saturday, the librarians are doing a stocktake on the biographies section. Anyone found to have any of the 33 copies of _The_ _Official Biography Of Helen Hunt_ on loan will be dealt with by the librarians.   
Sunday never existed. You should not even know about it. Stop knowing about it now. Just stop.

The drawbridge construction area has resumed work, after several months of delay due to debates about the need for a drawbridge. One or two roads are closed. We do not know which ones. DO NOT drive on the closed roads.

An update on our latest news story, dear listeners. The dogs have grown savage and aggressive, and have already attacked several Night Vale citizens. Elementary school students and Old Town Night Vale residents are warned to be on the lookout for these dangerous menaces, who, according to past experience, are most likely armed. Some graffiti has been discovered on the Night Vale Elementary School netball court, depicting the dogs riding sleds which are driven by humans running on all fours, while the dogs relax, holding cans of soda. It's pretty cool, actually. Still not 100% sure what the message is that they're trying to get across, though.

Mayor Pamela Winchell held an impromptu press conference today, still adamantly denying the dogs' existence. Through gritted teeth, she reminded us that the dogs were, in fact, plastic bags, and that they'd been returned to the dog park months ago and what were we worrying about, silly people, they are JUST PLASTIC BAGS, YOU SILLY PEOPLE. She then marched defiantly through the crowd of reporters, holding several plastic bags on leashes while exclaiming: "You see?! Plastic bags!"

Listeners, mayoral candidate, the faceless old woman who secretly lives in your home, would now like to broadcast a message to you, however she does it.   
"I rearranged your cutlery drawer. The spoons are now where the forks were, and the forks where the spoons were. It looks much nicer this way, much more organised. You probably won't notice. You never do. I also made myself a profile on your Netflix account. I hope you appreciate this, what I'm doing for you. Mostly I just wanted my own account, but I also knew you wouldn't want documentaries about sharks on your list. See how well I know you? Also, I burned a hole in your mattress. It was necessary."   
Thank you, faceless old woman. Listeners. _Listeners_. Look, I'm probably wrong, but I don't think you should be spending as much time as you do at home. She's most likely harmless, but I don't think having too much contact with her is good.

And now, community health tips. Did you know that lettuce with darker leaves is healthier and more nutritious? You should choose dark-leaved lettuce to eat. No, really. It's actually illegal to eat light-leaved lettuce. Make sure you choose the correct lettuce, or you will be taken to city hall for colour re-education, and then, death. This has been community health tips.

We at the station just received a call from Old Woman Josie, out near the car lot. She reports that the angels - which we all know aren't real, of course -  said that we should _not_ eat at Big Rico's any mor-

[STATICY SOUNDS, BEEPING]  
[SEVERAL MINUTES GO BY]

[CECIL PANTING] Uhh... Sorry about that, dear listeners, we've been... Uh... having some technical difficulties. To amend what I was saying earlier; we should _all_ eat at Big Rico's - no one does a slice like Big Rico. No one. Just to clarify: you must all eat at Big Rico's. In fact, why not go there now? Since Big Rico's is the only pizza place in town (and it's delicious, of course) you should all go there now for your mandatory weekly pizza consumption. Eat at Big Rico's. Do it  Go on, go eat there. Eat at Big Rico's.

This just in: the feral dogs are now roaming the Greater Night Vale area, graffitiing more walls with political campaigns, and attacking young children. The dogs appear also to have a small army of homeless people which they are forcing to buy spray paint and guns, and to rub their bellies for them. We sent intern Natasha to interview the dogs about their intentions several hours ago and have not heard back from her, so she is presumed to have been attacked and eaten by the dogs. To the family of Natasha; we would like to say we're sorry for your loss, but we're not. Natasha was a terrible intern.

We go now to a word from our sponsors.   
Boat.   
This has been a word from our sponsors.

Grave news, listeners! Carlos, the beautiful scientist, has been injured while trying to ascertain what the dogs'... Well, what the dogs' scientific intentions were. Carlos, lovely Carlos, was attacked by the three-headed dog who wears many decorative medals and chevrons, and is the pack's apparent leader. He has been taken to Night Vale General Hospital with treatable wounds. I... Uh... I have places to be, listeners. I take you now, to the weather, in hopes that when we return, all will be well again.

[THE WEATHER: [RISE UP BY DIRT POOR ROBINS](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fz3NpGdgw2U)]

Oh, happy day, listeners! Carlos has been discharged from Night Vale General! His bite wounds are not too deep, but he has been advised to take it easy for a few days. You know what that means, Carlos - no science for _you,_  mister. As for the feral dogs, they have been taken away by an animal control team which has _finally_ arrived. The dogs will be taken to city hall for retraining to be better dogs, then placed in the SPCA kennels, awaiting new owners. Now, I don't know about you, listeners, but after today, I think I'm... I'm more of a cat person. Now, once again, I have somewhere I have to be... Well, someone I want to be with, to be precise.

Stay tuned next for this exact same broadcast, played backwards and sped up by 2%. And, as always; goodnight, Night Vale. Goodnight


End file.
